she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
