if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
