Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
