i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
