The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
