we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
