i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize