Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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