You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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