I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
