I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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