what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
