i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
