After last night, I could never be a politician.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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