just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
