Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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