What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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