Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
