Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
