too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize