I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize