i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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