Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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