I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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