At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
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