So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize