I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
