i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
