I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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