omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
