What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize