just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
