He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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