You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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