I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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