How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Vodka?
Forever.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
