Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
