Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
