So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
smell my finger.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
