I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
