Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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