I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
