That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
