That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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