Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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