Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
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