Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
