yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
