Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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