If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I can text with my tongue
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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