This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Screwed.edu
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
