you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
