It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Green mimosas i think yes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize