I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He has the fingertips of a God
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