Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
