At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
