New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
