Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
