Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
