if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
