You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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