I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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