Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize