i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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