So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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