I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
