im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
