The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Houston, we have a blender
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
