i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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