but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize