i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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