tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
