i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
