I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize