The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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