i think my tv is drunk
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
