bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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