she woke up with a sticky ear
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
