I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I think my moral compass just broke
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