When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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