I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
