Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
