Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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