she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
