ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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