he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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