I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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