i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
