my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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