I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
