dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
