there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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