stop calling my apartment porn island.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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