And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize