you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
