idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
