i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
