if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i believe in u and ur pee
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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