Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
