he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize