youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
