I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
