I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
