My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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