I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
