I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
