Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
