im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
