There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm both gender and math confused
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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