you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
