I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
