You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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