38 yer olds are good kisserssss
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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