life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
