Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
