Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
