I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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